How could someone possibly be homesick living somewhere as cool as PARIS? I know, I know. Its ridiculous, but its the truth.
Firstly, I should explain that I'm a home girl, I love to be at home, I love to be with my family and my parents and my younger brother are three of my best friends. I missed them while I was at uni in York and I miss them even more now I'm living abroad. I knew when I got on the train to Paris (with my mum!) that this was going to be one of the best years of my life, but also one of the hardest. I knew I was going to make new friends and new memories, but I also knew that there were going to be times when all I would want to do is go home and have a cuddle with my mum and dad (and my cat)!
After hitting the six week milestone, I realised that this was the longest I'd ever been away from home, let alone in a foreign country. Of course I'm absolutely buzzing about that! But I'd also got to the point where I just needed some TLC from my mum. Since it was All Saints here in France, the university had a week off, so I went home with mum and dad after they came to visit me and I cannot tell you how great it felt to be back on my home turf! I popped to York for a night out, spent Halloween in London with some of my best friends and had a very chilled out weekend with my family. Exactly what I needed. But also the worst decision I've ever made!
Leaving home and getting on the Eurostar back to Paris felt like the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life, I don't remember the last time I cried that much. I'd just had the best week, seen almost all my closest friends and my family and I did not want to go back. I walked through security with a red-eyed, blotchy face and a sniffly nose - the lovely lady checking my bag even gave me a pack of tissues! I sat on the train next to a nice man called Mr Potter who chatted to me for a while, I'd managed to convince myself that Paris wouldn't be so bad, and then what happens? The train stops. 'There is a problem with the electricity, we will try to get to Paris.' All I could think was: 'this is an omen, I should NOT have left England, this is the end!' The train ended up taking an extra hour and a half to get into Gare du Nord and it turned out not to be the end of my life!
Last week - the week after my lovely trip home - was the worst. I felt pants. I cried most days on FaceTime to my mum and dad, I had a teacher tell me I had a bad attitude because I'm English (not true) and I'd spent too much money at home and had to eat pasta everyday. I have never felt so homesick.
Now that I've had my moan, here's how I've got myself to this point: Monday night, six days after my return to Paris, feeling like I can cope again.
The first thing was a challenge my Gran set me: speak to two new people everyday, in French.
So I may not have spoken to two new people everyday, but I have managed to have a full conversation with at least one new person everyday since I've been back. The highlights have been a new friend I made in a French class and the nice lady in the patisserie down the road. This challenge has made me realise that people aren't as out of reach as I was making them out to be in my head and I don't have to feel lonely; all I have to do is say 'bonjour, ça va?'
Something else that I have been doing for a while now is taking myself for walks. Yes I do miss my dogs a lot, but that's not the reason behind this! I have found that on weekdays, a lot of the time I find myself in my room alone, on the metro or in a classroom. Boring. So I decided if I was sat in my room for a long period of time, I had to take myself outside and walk to the park that's just down the road. The fresh air, seeing new faces and the change of scenery all really help to cheer me up.
And yesterday, I walked to the park with my polaroid camera and I was stopped by a man who ended up speaking to me in French for over twenty minutes. That might not sound like a big deal, but that 20-minute conversation has made me the happiest girl in Paris because it's shown me that my French really is improving. To put it into perspective, my oral exam in June was 15 minutes and I was terrified in the time leading up to it and right the way through the exam, because speaking French for 15 minutes straight was a challenge for me. And now, I'm just chilling in a park having a chinwag with a total stranger for even longer!
Other things I've been doing include going out with my English friends here. I know that sounds obvious but I'd got myself feeling so rubbish that I felt like I never wanted to leave the flat, but on Friday night I had a great night out with some friends and I'm so glad I went, because I was really unsure about going simply because I felt so down. I've also started working harder because, although we don't have to pass the exams we take here (we have two big essays set by York), I'm happiest when I feel like I have a purpose.
So, to summarise if you're on your year abroad and are feeling down:
- speak to new people
- go outside
- go out with your friends even if you really don't feel like it (you can always go home!)
- do some work
I followed my own advice today and worked really hard, so now its time for some telly!
À bientôt!
Bean xx
